Thoughts From Changing Careers and Choosing Self.

“My whole titty is about to be on the internet.” This thought ran through my mind for months as I carefully curated the most intimate photoshoot I’ve done for myself, to (re)introduce my brand to the world. I remember the first time I saw one of the inspiration pictures for the shoot - the very pic I’m referencing when the anxiety about my “titty” on the internet flares. I was on the floor of Soldier Field in Chicago, standing in front of my seat in the designated Alien Superstar VIP section of the Renaissance World Tour. And there she was on the gigantic screen behind the stage, Beyoncé Knowles-Carter laying down in a short black fur, her blonde hair big and sexy, skin radiating through the screen and beautifully standing out against the photo’s glitched background of darkness with peeks of greenery on a blue sky and white clouds. There were other details about the visual that I noticed, but what stood out most was Beyonce’s demeanor. It was fierce, it was fiery, it gave SEX but not in a way that turns you on - instead in a way that inspires you. In a way that sets you free. And that was what captivated me, the expression of freedom. After a tumultuous time in life, I yearned for that same freedom - particularly in my career. 

Being born and raised on the Southside of Chicago, and brought up by two entrepreneurs puts a certain level of grit in you. It teaches you hustle, and reminds you that there’s multiple routes to the same destination. It also shows you very clearly nothing in this life comes easy, but the things you work to earn will reap unimaginable rewards. In hindsight, coming from this background probably had everything to do with me being 24 and deciding “I’m starting my own production company.” Maybe only a few years into the TV industry at the time, but consistently building experience in event production and creative project management, I figured why not? I started off in television production as a PA for a show on VH1, and it’s no secret PA’s get worked like dogs. No matter how much grit I have, I am not here to work like anyone’s dog baby - I was literally just a girl, lol. I was, however, fortunate enough to work with amazing crews, blessed to be under the direction of a Black woman Production Manager. The same Black woman that would later pass the torch to me and bring me up to my first Production Manager role for Turner Classic Movies. And by time this torch was passed, the checks were not cut to me but instead to my production company - Morally Cinful Productions. 

That first check to my company lit another fire in me to keep going, and get myself to a place where I didn’t have to continue freelancing in an industry where you’re overworked and mistreated but instead build a portfolio of clients that were working on things I actually cared about. Projects that allowed me to live out my company’s motto of “production with a purpose.” Projects that gave way to me collaborating with Black creatives building media brands, speaking their truths on podcasts, curating safe spaces for minorities in fashion, among other creative endeavors that will always be dear to my heart. I could list accolades and professional titles like Director of Operations for a 4x NYT Best-Selling author to explain the magnitude of work I’ve done so far, but it’s not those accolades that motivate me to new heights. What actually motivates me is knowing that just like the creatives and CEOs I’ve spent nearly a decade working with, I have some shit to say. What motivates me is the little girl that won regional oratory contests, and hosted her elementary school’s talent show every year from 5th to 8th grade. The little girl that had acting roles in school and local plays. The little girl that I was then was always complimented and praised for how well she spoke. She was encouraged to continue speaking, continue leading and continue learning. And I’d be lying if I said she ever stopped leading or learning, but there came a time where the speaking stopped. Not literally, but there were no more oratory contests, no more speeches or writing articles for the newspaper, no acting roles, no poems for years until sophomore year of college - and even then it lasted maybe only a semester or two. 

I’d spent all of my high school years with a clouded spirit, just living in survival mode. While some of that cloudiness lingered all throughout college, my freshman year experience of witnessing my mentor push through her own woes and plan Mizzou’s rendition of Black Girls Rock! - “Black Women Rock!” - opened my eyes to new passions. At that point my purpose felt like it shifted. It became about honoring others and crafting spaces to make their voices heard. It was all gas no brakes on founding an RSO on campus after I transferred to U of I, and coordinating the largest awards ceremony specifically geared towards honoring Black women on campus and in the community that Champaign-Urbana had seen. A ceremony that I, along with the efforts of amazing students and gracious donors, would successfully execute for 3 years straight before graduating and leaving the honor to my successor. 

This lane of producing events and telling other peoples’ stories continued post grad, hence the aforementioned media production and creative business operations work. But it came to a point where things in my life rapidly shifted all at once. Everything I thought God had written in stone for me was being replaced by circumstances I would’ve lost my last dollar confidently betting against. And with life changes came a change in my personal desires. It also came with a lot of reflecting. What is God trying to say to me by taking everything away? After sitting with that question for a couple of months, like magic in the middle of the night my thoughts became clearer. God had not put me on certain paths to redirect my purpose, he had quickly put me in the mix of intense environments to remind me of my purpose. To reveal to me that the little girl with a knack for speaking and displaying her captivating personality is ready to resurface, but now as the woman who is skilled, poised, and unafraid of the tough conversations. Ready to be the woman that will talk her shit, but always gracefully and with meaning. Ready to articulate her own thoughts and passions in her work - because after all, artists are sensitive about their shit. So if I’m to deal with anyone’s high emotions around their craft, why not let them be my own?

So as I write this and prepare to “put my titty” on the internet - I do it with an indescribable feeling of gratitude and faith that I know only comes from God. The depths of vulnerability I had to reach to not only face my fear of “how will this be perceived?” but also “will my months of hard work translate well?” were new territory for me. But the good thing about chartering new territory is the endless possibilities and new beginnings that come with it. Haters will say “who she think she is, Beyoncé?!” and my response will simply be, “So what if I do?” If they weren’t hating, I’d respond - “No, not a chance - I’m not there yet, lol.” But we all know a supporter wouldn’t even think some shit like that. If you take nothing else away from this, just be inspired to be you. Read this blog, look at the photos from my shoot, get in tune with me to stay abreast of my upcoming talk series, and just be inspired to chase your dreams. Don’t let fear, imposter syndrome, or a hating hoe stop you. 

My days in the production field are not ending, they are simply shifting. Where I was once behind the camera, I am now proudly in front of it. Still being creative, still thinking about all of the production details (I can’t help it), but in front of the camera displaying my thoughts, my passions, and all that I can speak on to aid in improving our shared life experiences. Loudly. Happily. Purposefully. And in many forms. Through pictures, through conversations, through random, everyday content. Creative and Executive will forever be a part of my title - but I now proudly add Speaker to that list. And I thank God for everything that’s on its way to me.